Lessons from an "Out-of-Body Experience"

It isn't often that you hear someone describe what it's like to die – that's an experience rarely reported; but I have the dubious qualification of having survived three distinctly different "Near Death Experiences," and I'd like to pass on what I learned from the first one, an "out-of-body experience" – in hopes that you'll never find the need to try this at home. It wasn't what you'd call fun, but it was very informative.

We most often think of Evolution with a capital E, as in "the Theory of," or as the transitioning growth of successive generations, species adapting across expanses of Time – and so it is. My experiences lead me to consider it as a personal process, largely because of realizing the importance of the Eternal Moment (in which everything alive is always living), and because the evolution of the whole spreads out from the evolution of each individual. As that phenomenon of personal experience, my life's evolution is more directly related to my NDEs than to all but a few of my "conscious" life lessons. It's like peeking behind the curtain...

So here, preceded by brief circumstantial descriptions, here is the gift I received from my first NDE, set down short and sweet as possible:

I was in a serious single car accident (I'd like to say through no fault of my own, but it wouldn't be true) and instantly found myself suspended in mid-air over the crash site, observing the wreckage, my body, and the ministrations of the lovely people who rushed to my aid (God bless 'em). After a while into all the hub-bub, I was gently shepherded off by a kindly entity (that remained out-of-view) into what I can only describe as a soft, warm, cotton-wool cloud, and on to a place of great ease and comfort where I was sat down in a congenial but serious conversation regarding the true nature of things, and my position within it.

The space was idyllic, like a very nice summer's cafe. There was no sense of Time or of gravity, and certainly not of any want or necessity.Thought operated in a non-sequential, undemanding way – all at once easily, as it were, rather than in any urgent, serial way (like after a good meditation). Here's what I learned:

We are avatars living spiritually within these physical bodies, very much like driving around in a car (...I wish I could afford a new one). Of course, our bodies are us, here in this place we call The World; but they aren't really us – they're the means to experience this sensory experience, "good" and "bad," and to gain as much from it as we can in the service or our own, and our greater collective Self's evolution. This allows us to investigate the karma of our lives, to repair it, and to create it anew by being of service to those we love, and to the world as a whole.

So when we observe others as well, we can realize that they are simply their karmic energies (as I am mine), filtering through their somewhat limited (and not always easy to maneuver) human forms. That understanding informs a sense of compassion and identification that allows the people and events in your life to clearly be happening for you – not to feel like they are happening to you. Then, we can objectively witness the miraculous diversity of Life – in all it's sometimes challenging forms – with tolerance, respect, and wonder!

I call this way of seeing: The Gift of Perspective.

"The fundamental, simple, and great mystical realization is that by which you identify yourself with consciousness, rather than with the vehicle of consciousness. Your body is a vehicle of consciousness."

Joseph Campbell

Read about this and much more in: How to Get to Heaven (Without Really Dying), Wisdom From a Near-Death Survivor  from Llewellyn Worldwide available direct on this page, or online. The first book: How to Survive Life (and Death), A Guide To Happiness In This World and Beyond is available the same ways – but ask for it it at your local bookstore!

A Drop in a Day: How Ego Puts Us on The Little Spot

"We are created by our thoughts. We become what we think. Pain and suffering follow negative thoughts like the wheel follows the ox that pulls it." 

The Dhammapada, 1: 1

      It's crazy what a fussy thing it is to be a human being sometimes. Fussy, itsy-bitsy preoccupations can end up occupying an entire day, or week (or life). Small slip-ups can cascade into torrential hang-ups and unexpectedly put a lock on practically everything, even when it might all be based on nothing, really. Just look at the way we look at things, and wonder why we tend to see them in such an upside-down way…

      We're up, awake, and "fully-functioning" for what – about sixteen to eighteen hours a day? The other six or eight we're safely in dreamland. During the course of that sixteen hours of activity, everything usually goes fairly well. Usually. For the most part everything runs pretty smoothly, except for the occasional day when nothing at all seems to go right. (My wife often blames that on "Mercury going retrograde," which doesn't do anything for me, except to get me mad at Mercury–a very hot planet that I barely even know…) 

      Even then, the problems of a problem-filled day at most add up to just an hour or two of difficulties, if you're really keeping track of it. One-sixteenth of your waking day. Most of the time, the trouble spots we experience are actually very brief – singular sticky moments that pass quickly, but that for some reason we may hold on to and inflate well out of proportion. 

      It could be one cross look. One misplaced word, or phrase, or gesture. One tiny misunderstanding, or slip, or traffic cross-up, or failure to hear something right, and suddenly it's as if the world got knocked off it's axis. That minor flaw—possibly only two minutes in the whole of our otherwise smooth sixteen-hours—can  take us hostage, eat up all of our mental bandwidth, and demand ownership of the entire day. Just two minutes – out of the one-thousand-four hundred and forty-four in a day.

"The cleaner the tablecloth, the more obvious the spot." 

      …says my mentor Ray, pointing out that unnecessary obsession with the one itsy-bitsy thing that goes wrong, the one little thing that can throw our entire well-being out of whack. So what's really up with that?

      Part of the hardwiring we labor with as humans being human is our vestigial, eternally fearful Ego – the picky, judgmental part of our thinking that still likes to imagine some prehistoric predator is hiding behind every bush. Nothing is ever right for this fuss-bucket from our left brain, constantly pointing out the smallest flaws in an otherwise beautiful finish. Unless we recognize that aggravating inner voice as not being who we want to be, and consciously calling it out, it will happily take ownership of our day in two silly, uncomfortable minutes. 

      That's the simple mindfulness  required – to become aware of that fearful self-criticism (by default), and reject it! After all, who needs a scold when things are actually going quite well?

      The other thing we can do to defuse that out-of-proportion foible is to fix it immediately. Blot out the spot right away! Instantly apologize for the dumb thing you said. Spontaneously extend forgiveness to someone who seems to have slighted you. Brush off the inconsequential objection your fussy Ego wants to stick on your forehead, and... 

"FLIP YOUR SCRIPT!"

      Instead of letting one wrong minute own your day, take ownership of the fifteen hours and fifty-nine minutes you got right! Be empowered by the fact that you're doing very well, thank you, and you won't need any more help from the self-criticism department. The fact is—you're really on a roll when it comes to living well, and as long as you remember that kindness, honesty, humility, forgiveness, compassion, and service are everybody's friends, you can ignore that little spot on the tablecloth – who cares? It just means you had a nice lunch.

      In the bright light of Love, one little spot is nothing...really.

"We are created by our thoughts. We become what we think. Happiness attaches itself like an inseparable shadow to the positive thoughts that precede it." 

The Dhammapada, 1: 2

Read about this and much more in: How to Get to Heaven (Without Really Dying), Wisdom From a Near-Death Survivor  from Llewellyn Worldwide available direct on this page, or online. The first book: How to Survive Life (and Death), A Guide To Happiness In This World and Beyond is available the same ways – but ask for it it at your local bookstore!

It's "How to Get to Heaven (Without Really Dying)" Book Launch Time!

March 2018

I'm pleased and grateful to announce the release of my new book, exploring simple spiritual solutions for ourselves and our world (by someone who learned the hard way)

 From Llewellyn Books, it's: 

How to Get to Heaven (Without Really Dying), Wisdom From a Near-Death Survivor

NDE survivors, mystics, swamis, and saints have all described a Heaven of infinite Love, luminous radiance, and complete compassionate connectedness—but I'm here to tell you that you don't have to go to quite so much trouble to locate that Heaven on Earth in your everyday experience of life. It's all around us, and within us, all the time!

Here you'll find reviews from Thomas Moore, Anita Moorjani, Llewellyn Vaughn-Lee, and many others, for a voyage into the Perspective, Presence, and Purpose that can help us realize a kind of paradise, in any world we may happen to live... 

On Positive Energy TV, with Michele Granberg!

Join me & Michelle Granberg for a wonderful conversation on Positive Energy TV, for Princeton Public Access! It's all about Life, death (and of course, near-death experiences), 

Love, joy, connections, and living in the eternal moment!

God Bless You, Mr. Eisenstein: Invisible Bridges to Spiritual Evolution

In watching Charles Eisenstein's kindhearted and thought–provoking TED New Haven talk (I am a fan), I was again struck by that age-old difficulty that our form presents us in coming to terms with our apparent duality; the schism dividing the nature of our tangible material being in relation to our less physically tangible spiritual self. 

The possessor of inspirational intelligence, Mr. Eisenstein suggests a very rational, and a somewhat mystical, alternative to both the obvious "real-life" demands of our day-to-day material existence, and those elusive, "unprovable" ideals of an underlying spiritual reality; namely by taking part in giving. By becoming part of that circle of unconditional concern for your fellow human beings – the approach to Life, the action that some might call "compassionate consciousness."  

It's an idea that while certainly not original is one that becomes original to each of us (over and over and over...) when we experience it's significance for ourselves.

Having had the great [mis]fortune of surviving more than one "near-death experience," I've found myself (unintentionally) quite certain of the spiritual reality that underlies, enfolds, informs, and probably precipitates all of this success-seeking, rent-paying, toe-stubbing material existence – what the Hindu call maya, the illusional surface of Life. For me, proof of the unseen is not an issue 

While being hit on the head very hard has most likely permanently excluded me from thinking at a level anywhere near Mr. Eisenstein's, it was probably what I really needed – an experience that (painfully) proved the existence of a reality that's magically extra-dimensional in every sense – physically, spiritually, and conceptually. To those less identified with their thinking, I suppose this is called Faith. 

There is a real endearing charm to Mr. Eisenstein's pensive onstage struggle with this faith, a sincerity and naîveté that's maybe a bit more touching to those who've suffered a few more slings and arrows. I'm grateful, on his account, that it only seems to require small things to set his remarkable mind to work on finding ways to bridge the gap, when it apparently takes incomprehensible demoralization for some of us; though what you might be lucky to see while peering into that abyss is the incontrovertibly quirky intelligence and order alive in the universe. You see Love – which appears to me to be what Mr. Eisenstein is struggling to express.

  So while I don't at all recommend near-death as a solution to bridging that awkward gap between the harsher physical and cultural realities of material life and the blissful recognition of The Divine inherent in a fully spiritual life, perhaps I can augment Mr. Eisenstein's excellent start on a solution with these suggestions that arise from this simple "alternate" reality: 

We are spiritual beings learning through physical experience; we are designed to overcome the barriers presented by the physical (assimilating sensory experiences) and realize our spiritual nature; there are bridges – invisible spiritual mechanisms (choices) – built into our physical experience that afford us passages to our spiritual evolution. 

Here are a few that seem to work to bridge that gap:

The Giving he mentioned: Compassionate consciousness (altruistic effort, like charity and volunteerism), often referred to simply as service (responsible parenthood, being a good friend, etc.), is clearly one of these bridges. It is the singular most effective means to experientially overcoming the sense of separateness we develop while sitting and thinking about ourselves and our life situations. 

With selfless service, we are immediately attached to universal intelligence by the lightest of all yokes – the attachment created by contributing to the cycle of  well-being with no regard for reward or recognition. We almost immediately escape the harsh realities dictated by our ego; and lighten and align our karma. (Karma Yoga)

Unconditional kindness is another one of these mechanisms that engages us with Life at a spiritual level by giving us heartfelt identification with others; the warmth and support that we respond to ourselves when it is unconditionally shown to us. It is being unconditionally kind to ourselves. Of course, with kindness there's no exploiting, manipulating, or participating in killing of any kind. (Karma Yoga)

Honesty – intellectually, and in what you might think of as a constant variation of (appropriately restrained) confession is a rather visible invisible bridge. You'll have few of material life's complications to fear, because you simply never add to them. Your motives remain those of a seeker of truth and wisdom. You become seen and known as a person who is resolutely trustworthy, whose intentions are of the highest order  – and that sounds pretty spiritual, doesn't it? (Gnana Yoga)

Conscious contact with Source Energy: The personal attachment and conscious surrender into the energy and intelligence alive in the Universe, regardless of whether we personify that power in popular traditional ways, or form our own concept of it as a field or other force. In this way, we surrender (as a strategy) into the power that energizes and directs our being, recognizing the limited control that the choices we make give us over our lives. You become aware of all kinds of beauty; the inherent divinity in nature; and realize that your actions in Life can be devoted to this Source of creation – to Love. (Bhakti Yoga)

And finally, Humility (as Mr. Eisenstein so sincerely demonstrates). Not humility as described by Screwtape ("Hell's definition" in C.S.Lewis' The Screwtape Letters) as a form of self-deprecatory ineffectiveness, but instead as a subtle sense of reality and connection. As an extraordinary underlying energy that filters all of your Life experiences, and provides an intuitive ideal to live by with purpose and grace. We've all experienced this powerful kind of humility as a truth-bearing, holistic force in Life.

Giving is a very important bridge, to be sure, and to an agnostic it's a major break-through. I don't pretend to know the designs of the Universe, only to have experienced the effectiveness of these invisible (visible) mechanisms in my own life, and in the lives of those I'm close to; but I do know this: You deserve the life that you have – with your difficulties most often defined by whether you travel these bridges towards the spiritual, or away from it. All of it is magic.

Tips for Happiness #3

3. Radical Surrender

This last of these three "Tips for Happiness" is aimed at those who really need it. Those who are going through the inevitable difficulties life dishes up to all of us at one time or another. You may not need these tips so much if you're already pretty happy, but "Radical Surrender" can be so effective for those suffering hard times, that it's an extraordinarily effective means for assuring continuing happiness as well. This is surrender not in the sense of resignation, of "giving up" in a pejorative sense, but of surrender as a strategy, as a way to deal with life on life's terms. Surrender in the sense of joining the winning side.

All through mythology and mysticism, in the quest for wholeness, there's the need to pass through "the darkest hour" to reach the place of light; of acceptance, self-love, and love and compassion for others. And that darkness will happen in every life, so resistance to it only energizes that period with more negativity. In recovery movements, there's the expression: "When you're going through Hell, keep going!" And: "Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth." It may not be much consolation at a particularly painful time to try to realize it as a great opportunity for growth and learning. Indeed, it may be a pretty tall order to do so. But this is a first step towards learning to energize every event in your life, "good" and "bad," in a positive, growth-inducing way. After all, when you look back at the hardest times in your life, they're over, aren't they? And you are still here, and all the better for the experience.

 Surrendering to the broken-openness brought about by your suffering will allow healing energy in, so you can grow out through that break, like a wildflower growing through a crack in the pavement. You may wisely never want to go through something like that again, and because of the wisdom gained from the experience you've had, you may never have to. Of course, you can't do it alone, so it requires surrender in the sense of accepting the company and care of others as well.

"Yeshua said: Blessed are those who have undergone ordeals. They have entered into life."

Logion 58, The Gospel of Thomas

Then, even if (when) similar painful circumstances arise again, you can say (as crazy as it may sound): Here's a chance to learn something I will need to know for the future. This is not really going to be bad at all – in fact, it's going to be very rewarding. I need to be here. I need to learn this. In this way, you can bring a new consciousness to a difficult (but familiar) situation, and completely transform the nature of the experience from one of resistance and pain, to one of acceptance and growth.

For someone who's basically happy already, and only experiencing minor setbacks, practicing this type of strategic surrender will just support and strengthen the happiness you already have.

"When you put your boat in the river, go downstream."

Abraham (via Esther Phillips)

Read about this and much more in: How to Get to Heaven (Without Really Dying), Wisdom From a Near-Death Survivor  from Llewellyn Worldwide available direct on this page, or online. The first book: How to Survive Life (and Death), A Guide To Happiness In This World and Beyond is available the same ways – but ask for it it at your local bookstore!

Tales: Tips for Happiness #2

2. Radical Forgiveness

As best as you possibly can, at all times of your life, practice what I'll call "Radical Forgiveness," meaning that whenever anyone does anything to you that you perceive as (or that truly is) offensive or damaging to you – from stepping in front of you on an escalator to stealing your wife; stiffing you on a job, or sticking you with the check – from "deeply disappointing you" to "ruining your life," forgive them as immediately and completely as possible.

Everyone is fighting the same battles, and many people are doing it with even more insane voices in their head than you may have. Become grateful immediately. Many people are barely conscious in this life. Their lives really may be fairly nightmarish. Like everyone, they need acceptance and tolerance.

Also keep in mind that when someone is doing something that seems hurtful to you, they are actually hurting themselves even more. Since we're all the same thing, they're just exercising a form of self-hatred. You just happen to be in the line of fire. The more you invest it with negative energy, the bigger and badder the experience will become for you, burdening you with unnecessary painful thoughts and residual emotions. It's their karma, not yours, so you needn't carry any for them.

Take the experience as a lesson and opportunity to transcend the petty destructive and unconscious tendencies that human beings unwittingly indulge themselves in, usually in an effort to enhance themselves. See it as an opportunity to deal with another's pain with compassion – the juice that facillitates life's natural ease and elegance. Then you put yourself in a place to help someone, and you suddenly might see that the person who "ruined your life," actually gave you the greatest gift you've ever received: self-awareness, self-love (the willingness to show love to another), and compassion...which all adds up to freedom.

"The work of love is to open that window in the chest

and to look incessantly on the Beloved. You can do this.

Listen. Make a way for yourself inside yourself.

Stop looking in the other way of looking.

You already have the precious mixture that will make you well. Use it.

Old enemies will become friends.

Your beauty will be God's beauty."

Rumi

Read about this and much more in the new book: How to Get to Heaven (Without Really Dying), Wisdom From a Near-Death Survivor March 2018, from Llewellyn Worldwide—it's available online. The first book: How to Survive Life (and Death), A Guide To Happiness In This World and Beyond is available everywhere – but ask for both at your local bookstore!

Tips for Happiness #1

This bit of friendly advice is more or less excerpted from my book, How to Survive Life (and Death), A Guide to Happiness in This World and Beyond, from Conari Press. I call it:

1. Radical Kindness

My first tip for happiness is also the easiest, and the most fun. I call it "Radical Kindness," and it's just what it sounds like. I'll present it to you as a challenge – give it a try for one, or even better, two days, and see if it doesn't completely transform your life in very real ways: the amount of joy you experience, the "magical" connections you make, and the ease and comfort that you feel as you go about your day to day. It's also really exciting!

Here's the challenge: To every person that you encounter, in any and every circumstance you find yourself in during an entire day (or two), be as absolutely kind and loving to that person as you can possibly muster, without acting like a boob. You can't be sarcastic or patronizing- that's thinly veiled aggression, not loving kindness. You must be sincere. Everyone knows how to be sincerely kind, or can make a good effort. Negativity of any kind is resisting kindness, so don't go there at all. Just look people in the eye (smile first with your eyes), smile sincerely (like you have a special secret to share), and be really friendly to them... and watch what happens! Your world will come to life in a way you may never have experienced before. Allies, compatriots, new friends that seem like they're very old friends will appear everywhere. You'll get helped with special care, with insider's knowledge, with joy and camaraderie everywhere you go- sometimes when you'd least expect it.

All you have to do is simply return the favor. Be pleasant and polite, be magnanimous and generous, be tolerant and interested, be honest and real, and the world will activate effervescently in the most wonderful ways. It's the single most effective way to completely transform your life for the better. It will make your life much more fun, and much easier. Open your heart, relax your will, and try this simple happiness challenge!

"None of the means employed to acquire religious merit...has a sixteenth part of the value of loving-kindness. Loving-kindness, which is freedom of the heart, absorbs them all; it glows, it shines, it blazes forth."

The Buddha


Read about this and much more in the new book: How to Get to Heaven (Without Really Dying), Wisdom From a Near-Death Survivor March 2018, from Llewellyn Worldwide—it's available online. The first book: How to Survive Life (and Death), A Guide To Happiness In This World and Beyond is available everywhere – but ask for both at your local bookstore!